However, this portion of the population is only experiencing depersonalization and/or derealization periodically. It’s terrifying, but it’s also a lot more common than you think. They’ll probably give you some strange looks, but, odds are, they have experienced this feeling at least once in their lifetime because some sources suggest that around half of the overall population experiences some form of depersonalization or derealization at some point in their lives. Try telling someone you are in your body but you also aren’t in your body or that you know the world is real but it doesn’t feel real. Whether you experience derealization, depersonalization, or a combination of the two, these forms of dissociation can feel pretty weird to talk about out loud. My head starts to feel particularly foggy with depersonalization, almost as if there is a cloud surrounding my narrowed field of vision.
During depersonalization, I feel as if I am watching another person’s body move through space from someplace just above their eyes, seeing things from just above their field of vision. The line between the two forms of dissociation blur for me, but the main difference is the way my head feels.
Occasionally I will become aware of my breathing to the point that it becomes manual. The tunnel vision kicks in again, and my heartbeat seems much louder than usual. I can recognize an episode of depersonalization in my mind when my limbs start to feel so far from the center of my body that some part of me worries I cannot control them. Some people describe a sort of hyperawareness of their body that makes them feel detached from it because, after all, how can you be so aware of something you inhabit? It’s different for everyone, but the general overlap is some level of recognition that your mind and your body are two separate entities. Photo by Tasha Kamrowski on Depersonalizationįor depersonalization, most people recognize the world around them and move through space as usual, but do not feel that their body belongs to them. Unlike general dissociation, however, you will remember just how terrifying it is to feel like you are in another world-or another body. With derealization and depersonalization, you are highly aware of what’s going on around you and how different it feels. With other forms of dissociation, an individual will lose periods of their memory. The scary thing about derealization is that you recall everything as the world moves around you. Derealization is a highly individualized experience, but most people experience an altered perception of the world around them. This is my experience, but it’s not the only way to experience derealization.
Things feel farther away from my body if they feel real at all, I get terrible tunnel vision and find it nearly impossible to focus. To me, derealization feels like walking behind a glass panel and watching everyone around me move about as if I am in a dream that I can only partially control. Some can’t focus while others hyperfocus. Other people simply feel that they are watching a movie. Some people feel that their field of vision is smaller or larger, depth perception is changed, and life seems to be bigger, louder, and all the more overwhelming. This is not to say that colors look different or they experience different emotions connected to things but that the way they view the world changes. Photo by Jakub Novacek on Derealizationįor those who experience derealization, the world around them looks very different.
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